Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Day 1 Continued
Well I just woke up from my nap, and the first thing I thought about is craving a cheeseburger deluxe from Wendy's. Is this Master Cleanse really a good idea? I am craving all foods that I love that are bad for me. I imagine how happy I would feel if I could just bite into it. Before I fell asleep, I was thinking to myself, wouldn't my life be a lot easier if I just went and did cardio for like 2 hours a day and could eat anything I wanted? I really don't know if I am going to be able to get through this, and also, if it was such a good idea before my 8 hour internship tommorrow where I am already usually really bored and can't get my mind off of lunch and food. Sigh. This is a huge test and I might just fail and have to start over again, or start something else. I'll report back later.
Day 1 Continued
Well I pooped like every ten minutes for about an hour. Now I haven't had to poop in about 20 minutes so thats good. I feel emptied out, its a good feeling. Although apparently people poop during the whole time they are taking this Master Cleanse, so I guess there is still stuff in there even though I feel pretty empty.
I started drinking the lemonade. At first I thought, oh no this is another nasty tasting drink. It is sweet and citrusy, but it reminded me of ginger snap cookies for some reason, and I don't really like them. The ceyenne pepper really does give it a strange kick. I am not used to something I am drinking being spicey. But I drank a whole glass of it, and by the end of it I kind of enjoyed the taste. I've started to have hunger cravings. Every time I had one I took a sip. I am dreaming of having pancakes and sausage with lots of butter and syrup. I think maybe I keep thinking of this because I am drinking maple syrup?! I also am craving the foods I have in my fridge like I have some leftover StoveTop stuffing and mashed potatoes in my fridge. Okay I have to stop thinking of these things, haha. I am going to take a nap now to try to pass the time and hopefully make the saltwater drink more of a distant memory.
I started drinking the lemonade. At first I thought, oh no this is another nasty tasting drink. It is sweet and citrusy, but it reminded me of ginger snap cookies for some reason, and I don't really like them. The ceyenne pepper really does give it a strange kick. I am not used to something I am drinking being spicey. But I drank a whole glass of it, and by the end of it I kind of enjoyed the taste. I've started to have hunger cravings. Every time I had one I took a sip. I am dreaming of having pancakes and sausage with lots of butter and syrup. I think maybe I keep thinking of this because I am drinking maple syrup?! I also am craving the foods I have in my fridge like I have some leftover StoveTop stuffing and mashed potatoes in my fridge. Okay I have to stop thinking of these things, haha. I am going to take a nap now to try to pass the time and hopefully make the saltwater drink more of a distant memory.
Morning -Day 1 Saltwater Enema
Wow this drink is really. salty. I thought it would only need a mild saltiness for it to work. I only drank a half a cup so far. It tastes like I am drinking ocean water. My friend doing the Master Cleanse with me only managed to get down 3 cups. I will be lucky if I can stomach 2!
I did not have to go to the bathroom from the Smooth Move yet, but I feel things err, moving around down there.
I only managed to get down 1 cup of the saltwater. It is extremely, extremely disgusting. Mere words can not really express. You just feel like you are going to heave with every gulp or sip. I doubt I will be drinking it again, in this lifetime. Now I understand how you lose your craving for salty foods. The thought of the salt on even one french fry right now makes me feel violently ill. I am definetly having some panic attack feelings this morning. The good news is I have pooped like 3 times and it hasn't been crampy. Not to be gross but it feels like water is just coming out of your butt, like you are peeing out of your butt instead of your urethra. But it doesn't hurt or make you feel queasy or anything.
I regret all the bad foods I ever ate so much right now. Definetly there are psychological things happening to me. I realize now, that if I could only have eaten well every day, I would never have had to go through this torture. This feels like a penance I am doing.
I did not have to go to the bathroom from the Smooth Move yet, but I feel things err, moving around down there.
I only managed to get down 1 cup of the saltwater. It is extremely, extremely disgusting. Mere words can not really express. You just feel like you are going to heave with every gulp or sip. I doubt I will be drinking it again, in this lifetime. Now I understand how you lose your craving for salty foods. The thought of the salt on even one french fry right now makes me feel violently ill. I am definetly having some panic attack feelings this morning. The good news is I have pooped like 3 times and it hasn't been crampy. Not to be gross but it feels like water is just coming out of your butt, like you are peeing out of your butt instead of your urethra. But it doesn't hurt or make you feel queasy or anything.
I regret all the bad foods I ever ate so much right now. Definetly there are psychological things happening to me. I realize now, that if I could only have eaten well every day, I would never have had to go through this torture. This feels like a penance I am doing.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Pre-Day 1
Tonight I am supposed to drink some senna tea, and I already had a tea called "Smooth Move" in the pantry but I think maybe I used it only once. I was supposed to start this whole plan two days from now, after my last day at my internship for the week, but I decided to start it early. I think I will be okay at my internship, or at least I am praying I will be, and I got so excited reading about other people's experiences doing this Cleanse online that I wanted to start it sooner rather than later. I just hope I can make it through these first few days which are supposed to be the hard part. The main thing I am nervous about is feeling nauseas or out of sorts with my digestive system. I have emetaphobia, which is a fear of vomitting. I have had it all my life, hence my explaining in my Background post how I used to skip a lot of meals when I felt anxious. I am mostly over the fears of nausea and throwing up, but I still get panic attacks about it from time to time. I know if I felt really nauseas like I was going to throw up, I would probably go into full panic mode. I can handle feeling like I am going to have diarrhea or stomach cramps, its just any sign of queasiness or feeling like I am about to throw up, and my adrenaline starts going haywire and I feel like I am not going to be able to cope. So especially if I feel this at my internship, I will be in pretty bad shape.
So my Smooth Move Tea is steeping still (it has to steep for 15 minutes). I made a really stupid move and had McDonalds as a kind of symbolic good bye to eating like shit, and now, what with the idea of this laxative rolling around in my belly with the McDonalds, I don't even think I will need the laxative cause my nerves are already making me feel like I am going to have the runs!
I will check back after tea time. Wish me luck!
Addendum: While my tea continues to steep, it just occurred to me that I have felt like I was coming down with a cold or sinus infection all day. I have had a bit of a headache and a pressure feeling behind my nose. I wonder if this will make it that much harder to do this Master Cleanse. On the flipside of the coin, I have heard this Master Cleanse can make all sorts of ailments go away as your body restores to its natural balance, so maybe it will help my sinuses clear out or something!
Okay I drank the whole cup of tea. Everything feels a-okay in my stomach so far. I believe the natural laxatives will probably take at least a few hours to work, so I am not expecting much. I just hope there aren't any fireworks!
So my Smooth Move Tea is steeping still (it has to steep for 15 minutes). I made a really stupid move and had McDonalds as a kind of symbolic good bye to eating like shit, and now, what with the idea of this laxative rolling around in my belly with the McDonalds, I don't even think I will need the laxative cause my nerves are already making me feel like I am going to have the runs!
I will check back after tea time. Wish me luck!
Addendum: While my tea continues to steep, it just occurred to me that I have felt like I was coming down with a cold or sinus infection all day. I have had a bit of a headache and a pressure feeling behind my nose. I wonder if this will make it that much harder to do this Master Cleanse. On the flipside of the coin, I have heard this Master Cleanse can make all sorts of ailments go away as your body restores to its natural balance, so maybe it will help my sinuses clear out or something!
Okay I drank the whole cup of tea. Everything feels a-okay in my stomach so far. I believe the natural laxatives will probably take at least a few hours to work, so I am not expecting much. I just hope there aren't any fireworks!
My Background
I am a 27 year old, I am 5 foot 3 inches, and weigh 154.4 pounds. In high school and up until the age of probably around 22/23 years old, I weighed 108 pounds and was nice and thin. I used to have a lot of anxiety in my youth (still do) but I handled it differently. I would skip meals because of a nervous, nauseas stomach and just being a very nervy, tense person helped me keep my weight down. I also chain smoked from the age of 17 to 25. After leaving home I never really knew how to cook healthy- I am embarassed to recall in my first apartment going to McDonalds for lunch and ordering chicken nuggets so I would have something for dinner later! I still don't really know how to cook. I was a vegetarian for about 4 years and didn't eat healthy as a vegetarian- I love animals and always will but I didn't know or have the willpower to eat mostly vegetables and lean proteins like tofu and beans. I ate a lot of carbs and fats. I quit smoking and went to eating and drinking excessively. I still do not know how to fill the void inside me that caused me to first smoke and then eat/drink to extremes.
So why now? Well first of all, I am not expecting to achieve permanent weight loss by doing the Master Cleanse. I need to do something though, and just wanting and planning on eating better and making better choices hasn't done the trick. I can't seem to go one meal without making a poor choice. Its not like I go a few days or a week and then I break my healthy eating pattern, I can't get through Meal 1. I have less energy than I ever have, and it effects my ability to enjoy life. Even something as simple as walking up the stairs leaves me out of breath. I don't exercise. I just can't go on living the way I have been, so I am resorting to a more dramatic measure. Much like I quit smoking by abstaining, I am going to abstain from food for a little while just to kind of restart and regroup, a "time-out" of sorts.
Like I said, I don't expect to accomplish permanent weight loss. I am very excited about some of the benefits of the Master Cleanse that I have read about. For one thing, the Master Cleanse supposedly helps get rid of any excess candidae in your body. My mom has always insisted that I have a yeast problem, mainly because she listens to a lot of health fads. There is some truth to her opinion though- I was born with thrush or a yeast infection in my throat, and all my life my tongue has had a white coating on it, which supposedly can be a sign of yeast overgrowth. The Master Cleanse is supposed to turn your tongue back to pink, and if all else doesn't come through, at least it will be neat to stick my tongue out and have it be pink for once!
Another reason I am doing the Master Cleanse is because it is supposed to help rid me of cravings to salty, greasy, crappy foods. Gosh I would love to not even find fast food appetizing, cause lets face it, right now I do and crave crappy burgers and fries and steak sandwiches all the time. The amount of grease I eat is pretty disgusting. I sometimes even crave fruits and vegetables now so if it can help me crave them more I would be pretty grateful.
Thats about all I am hoping to gain out of this Master Cleanse or "Lemon Cleanse" or whatever it is called.
So why now? Well first of all, I am not expecting to achieve permanent weight loss by doing the Master Cleanse. I need to do something though, and just wanting and planning on eating better and making better choices hasn't done the trick. I can't seem to go one meal without making a poor choice. Its not like I go a few days or a week and then I break my healthy eating pattern, I can't get through Meal 1. I have less energy than I ever have, and it effects my ability to enjoy life. Even something as simple as walking up the stairs leaves me out of breath. I don't exercise. I just can't go on living the way I have been, so I am resorting to a more dramatic measure. Much like I quit smoking by abstaining, I am going to abstain from food for a little while just to kind of restart and regroup, a "time-out" of sorts.
Like I said, I don't expect to accomplish permanent weight loss. I am very excited about some of the benefits of the Master Cleanse that I have read about. For one thing, the Master Cleanse supposedly helps get rid of any excess candidae in your body. My mom has always insisted that I have a yeast problem, mainly because she listens to a lot of health fads. There is some truth to her opinion though- I was born with thrush or a yeast infection in my throat, and all my life my tongue has had a white coating on it, which supposedly can be a sign of yeast overgrowth. The Master Cleanse is supposed to turn your tongue back to pink, and if all else doesn't come through, at least it will be neat to stick my tongue out and have it be pink for once!
Another reason I am doing the Master Cleanse is because it is supposed to help rid me of cravings to salty, greasy, crappy foods. Gosh I would love to not even find fast food appetizing, cause lets face it, right now I do and crave crappy burgers and fries and steak sandwiches all the time. The amount of grease I eat is pretty disgusting. I sometimes even crave fruits and vegetables now so if it can help me crave them more I would be pretty grateful.
Thats about all I am hoping to gain out of this Master Cleanse or "Lemon Cleanse" or whatever it is called.
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